Yesterday was BAD…to say the least. My kids were CRAZY, nothing went as planned, I stressed all day about something that ended up getting rescheduled at the last minute, and I found out that I have to have a biopsy on my thyroid this morning! It was NOT a good day. Unfortunately, I feel like most of my days have been like that recently. I have felt completely out of control and as a result, I have been stressed out and ‘on edge’ constantly. My children have been the recipients of my anger lately and I hate that. I have been yelling again and Jesse has gotten several spankings in the last week. I had not spanked in a LONG time, but my change and lack of calmness has effected his behavior and as a result he has earned some pretty major punishment. I do not like me like this. I’ve actually been consciously doing all the right things to get myself together and calm down. I don’t know what’s gotten into me!? Is it this new birth control? It’s suppose to have a VERY low dose of hormones that lasts for FIVE years; how could that have such a dramatic effect on my ‘mood’?? All I know is, something has to change! I have absolutely no motivation to do anything around my house, I’ve lost all creativity with the kids, and everyday tasks just seem like a chore. I was actually watching a commercial last night for Cymbalta ( a depression med.) and all the symptoms they listed were ones that I have had lately!! But I don’t feel depressed. It’s not like I feel sad or “down”. I just don’t feel like myself and I’m going to fight like crazy to get back to the “old me” without medication. Believe me, I’m not in denial. I am being treated by my aunt with homeopathic remedies for a variety of things and usually my remedy balances my hormones as well. I just hate the thought of having to go on some long term medication at my age.
Anyways! Enough of the depressing stuff! I am taking the right steps to regain my sanity and enjoy life to the fullest. Thankfully, I have a new project underway. I am organizing a large armoire for a friend. She is consolidating her desk into this armoire and it is full of school supplies, crafts, books, bills, CDs, and all kinds of things that don’t belong in there but don’t have a home of their own. I started on Monday and I hope to finish up today. Organizing is definitely one area that makes me come alive. I’m looking forward to the finished project and the satisfaction of knowing this will make their life easier and more pleasant. To me, there is nothing better than always knowing where something is when you need it. Some prime examples of things that often go missing in a home are: scotch tape, scissors, keys, remote controls, and glasses. If you create a specific ‘home’ for these items and get in the habit of returning the items to their proper home everytime you finish using them, you will never have to “look” for them again!
Choose joy today! I am not going to raise my voice today…with the Lord’s help!