Isn’t it strange how we go through seasons of wanting something SO badly, only to realize it definitely wasn’t what God had planned for you at that particular time in your life?
I have a handful of friends between their late twenties to mid-thirties that are still awaiting husbands. Most of them are content with where they are in life, but a few are somewhat miserable and simply consumed with thoughts of marriage and the future. I’d be lying if I said I was never like that. Not necessarily about getting married, when I was single, but about other things relating to the future.
How many more children will we have?
Will we get another foster placement before our girls arrive?
Should we try to get pregnant again?
Am I filling the right roles at church?
Are my boys getting all that they should from me as their teacher?
Some of these questions are legitimate, but most are just a sign that I really prefer to feel as if I’m in control of my life, rather than freely giving everyday to my heavenly Father.
Our women’s ministry at church is called, “Girlfriends at Grace”. We’ve just begun some ‘special interest’ groups, called “G Groups”, within our women’s ministry and I agreed to lead the book club. It’s called Lit and Lattes. We’re reading Francine Rivers’ new book, “Her Mother’s Hope”. Read it! It’s so good and I’m only half way through it.
Last night was our kick-off meeting, held at my house. The boys went to my parents’ house to spend the night. I was able to devote the entire day to cleaning my house and getting ready for the ladies to come over. I cleaned things I hadn’t even noticed NEEDED cleaning before! I wiped down every single door frame in my house! I couldn’t believe how disgusting they were and how I’d never even noticed before! I cleaned out drawers, cabinets, and used an ENTIRE magic eraser getting pencil, marker, and crayon off of the walls. It was wonderful to have the whole day to get everything accomplished. I’ve needed a day like that for quite some time, and it felt good to wake up to the same clean house this morning. As I sat in the living room with all of those dear women last night, I thanked God for putting me exactly where I belong right now. As I mourned those other foster babies not coming last week, and then congratulated two friends on new pregnancies, I twisted and turned inside as I longed for the Lord to fill my womb, just one more time.
But last night, I looked around and saw such a variety of life in every seat of my living room; two women were retired, one woman has four children: one is married and expecting their first child, the twins are in college, and her youngest is in her final year of high school….at home. What an exciting time! Another young lady had just graduated from high school, will be starting college in the fall, and just got a job at Starbucks. And of course my dear Ashley, sitting on the floor, surrounded by love as the twins scooted and cooed and giggled all over the place, putting smiles on everyone’s faces.
In that very moment, I thanked God that I am freely submitted to whatever He has for me and my family. And in that submission is great freedom, peace, and joy. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that He has me in the palm of His hand and His promises are for life and prosperity, whatever package it may come in.
It’s hard to believe my children are growing up so fast. It’s been over two years since I’ve held a baby to my breast in the middle of the night. Owen has been out of diapers for over six months now. There are no more sippie cups in my cabinets or dishwasher. I have a FIRST AND SECOND GRADER for goodness sake!! Where does the time go? As I plan for the coming school year and all that it holds, I’m excited about this new season. It could all change tomorrow, with one phone call from the agency. But I will have joy and peace as I walk through the unknown.