Pursuit of Simplicity

I can tell already that the adoption process can be all-consuming if I allow it to be.  In my quiet moments, when the kids are napping, as I fold little child-size clothing scattered across my bed, as I close my eyes to pray, thoughts of her consume my mind.  I’m going to choose Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

I must choose to let the God of all creation consume my every thought.  I must take captive the temptation to dwell on Zoe all hours of the day.  I feel strongly in my heart that she’s already out there, growing in the womb, so I know that if I don’t take my thoughts captive, I will succumb to them and strive (by my-all-so-powerless-self) to hurry the process along, constantly fighting the temptation to make phone calls to check on ‘things’, while my heart races each and every time my phone rings.  I can’t live that way.

There’s much to be done.

We have to file our taxes in the next few weeks and pray that we get a large enough return to finish our addition and put down the $2,000 commitment fee that will be due at the adoption agency in a few weeks.  We will have updates to do for our home study.  We’re in the process of refinancing the house.  Once our addition is finished we’ll have to move all of our living room furniture into the new living room, move all of our exercise equipment and school room furniture/materials into the new school room, and last but not least, we’ll turn the school room into Zoe’s nursery.

I have total peace that we are working on God’s timetable and nothing will happen any sooner or any later than God has already planned it to happen.

I’ve been awake since 5am when Jesse woke up again with a 103 fever and splitting headache.  I’m tired.  However, I’ve gotten loads and loads of laundry done and it feels great to have a jammie day with my boys.  Looks like tomorrow will be a repeat since we won’t be carrying our germs to co-op.

~audrey

With each pregnancy after Joshua, we always picked out boy names and girl names leading up to the big ultrasound. Josh is very picky and never liked any of my girl name choices. He was always stuck on one particular name:

Zoe

In my mind, Zoe was Elmo’s friend on Sesame Street; not the name of my little girl. I never really liked it.  As we started discussing names for our daughter, I went down a long list of names with wonderful meanings.  Josh didn’t really like any of them.  He gently said,

“I still really like Zoe.”

All of our children’s names (first and middle) have significant meaning.

Joshua Nicholas: God is salvation, defender of the people

Jesse Clayton: God beholds (Clayton was my grandfather’s name)

Owen Christopher: desire born (we’d prayed for a third child and tried for over a year), Christ-bearer

I was sharing with the boys about the precious gift of adoption. I explained abortion to them and how they will have a little sister because her birth mother chose life for her baby; our baby. I had been looking up Hispanic girl names, hoping to add some of her heritage to her name. One name stood out to me and when I put it together with Zoe, I knew it was the one.

Zoe Amaris – Life promised by God

I am already aching with love for my daughter.  I can already feel her warm cheek against mine, rocking her in the still of the night; praising God that her birth mother chose life.  Speaking purpose and blessing over her even now.  What a good, good God.

I’m overwhelmed.

~audrey