It’s been a crazy, busy day, but before I post my third blast from the past I have to share this first for me that happened just an hour ago.
I was driving through McDonald’s when Owen decided he had to pee…BAD. He was crying and wiggling all over his seat. I did NOT him to pee on my leather seats, knowing I would not be able to get a towel for another 5-7 minutes (YUCK!). I did what any mother of boys would do in such a situation. I grabbed my mostly empty venti-sized Starbucks cup from this morning, flung the top off, shoved my arm and the cup toward the back seat and waited for Owen to quickly get his britches down. Funny thing is, he knew exactly what to do! Without even telling him, he hopped over to the cup and gladly filled it up. Without thinking much about it (clearly), I rolled my window down and poured the contents onto the McDonald’s drive thru flowers!
Apparently I Know How To Shoot A Gun! (**originally posted on September 23, 2009**)
I just realized, I don’t think I’ve posted anything about the squirrels that have been terrorizing my attic, roof, and my sleeping habits for the last month!!! It all started while Josh was continuing work on the addition onto the back of our house. Not exactly sure what he was thinking, but he left some major holes open that lead right into our attic. The holes were safe from weather elements, but clearly not from squirrels. I began hearing squirrels in our attic right above the master bedroom. My dear hubby insisted that I was either hearing things, or I was simply hearing them running around on the roof. However, he was finally present one night as the squirrel began gnawing away at who knows what right above our bed! That weekend, he closed up all holes from our construction project. A few days went by and we thought we had conquered the squirrel problem. Boy were we wrong. I began taking the squirrel invasion very personally. I mean, come on! I pictured President Obama having a sit down talk with my neighborhood squirrels. It went something like this:
“Look guys, you have every right to be in the Wilkerson’s attic. Every squirrel deserves to birth their babies into a cozy corner in someone’s attic. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t welcome, you haven’t purchased space in their attic, and you’re destroying their home in the process. As an American squirrel, it is your right to occupy attic space. Go for it fellas!”
Somehow they found a new way in. I began hearing them above the laundry room, above the boys room, and even above the living room! Of course Josh read online that squirrels usually have babies in August and September!! LOVELY!
I began posting things on facebook, hoping for some good advice…or at least a good BB gun we could borrow!! Last Friday, when I brought the boys to my parent’s house, my dad gave me his .22 caliber pellet gun with a brand new cansiter of pellets. I was SO excited!! On Saturday, Josh climbed up into the attic as soon as we heard the gnawing and scampering. He sat patiently, waiting for a good target. He fired a few times, pretty convinced that he had at least hit it once, but obviously not a fatal injury because it ran off. Later that day…still more scampering in the attic. By that time, Josh had gone to run errands and I was NOT about to climb into the hot attic with a loaded gun that I hadn’t the slightest idea how to use!
I have stood patiently in the front and back yards many days, hoping to see where in the world it is that they’re still getting in! Never any luck.
Yesterday, I was fired up. I heard those darn squirrels above my kitchen and I knew they were on the roof so I RAN out the back door in hopes of seeing how they keep getting into my attic. There were two squirrels, right there, staring at me! They didn’t even budge! These things are clearly way too domesticated. They were bobbing their tales up and down and making strange noises. I couldn’t tell if the noises were being made to each other or directed at me? Eventually they ran to the other side of the house…right to the corner of the roof above my master bedroom. I had a feeling that was where they built their nest, and momma squirrel was now guarding her territory. I stood there for a long time and the squirrel never moved. She kept her perch right there above my bedroom. Suddenly, I became empowered. I looked that squirrel right in the eye and ran into the house to grab a handful of pellets and the gun. Much to my surprise, the squirrel was right where I had left it. I loaded the first pellet and began pumping the gun. Hmm, I wonder how many times I’m supposed to do this? I pumped and pumped and pumped until the handle would hardly close…probably about 15 times in all. That’s probably enough! I aimed steady as I closed one eye, looked through the cheap scope thingy, waited, waited, and then POP! Just like that, the squirrel was gone in an instant. I’m 99% sure I hit it. FIRST SHOT…IN MY LIFE!! I was SO excited! I ran to the side of the house and jumped up into the boys’ tree house to see if I could spot the injured squirrel. Sure enough, it was still on the side of my roof. Probably a bit stunned! I sat there, reloaded the gun, in case it wanted more, and waited. Some how while I waited, the squirrel moved and I could no longer see it. Without even thinking, I ran around to the front of the house. I didn’t even think before doing this. It probably wasn’t the best idea to run through my front yard, sweating, holding what looked like a rifle! But, hey, I wasn’t thinking clearly at this point. I was a hunter! I went back to the backyard and stood for a little while longer. One of the boys came out back at one point and I quietly told him to get back inside and stay there. I can only imagine what he was thinking as he saw Mommy in his treehouse with a gun pointing at the roof?!
I looked all around, through the trees, trying to spot a squirrel. Nothing. BUT, I did hear squirrel noises and the occasional nuts or acorns hitting the ground around me. For a brief moment, I was a bit paranoid. As if there were squirrels up there in the trees aiming at me with their cheeks full of nutty ammunition. I felt a bit like Matthew McConaughey in Failure to Launch when he got bit by a cute little chipmunk and then attacked by a sweet dolphin…as if all of nature was involved in a plot against him! Stupid, I know.
I finally went back inside. I was so invigorated by my sudden take action attitude and accomplishment. I even called my Daddy and left him a message on his cell phone. I’m sure he smiled as he listened to me explain how I put his gun to good use. Only in the south! 🙂
It has now been 24 hours and we have yet to hear another squirrel. It just started raining, or I would go sit out back and just watch and listen for a little bit. I hope the other neighborhood Obama squirrels take note and stay off my property…or they will end up with a pellet in their butt just like their buddy who chose to shack up in my attic for the last month.
I hope you enjoyed my squirrel adventure. If any squirrels return to the Wilkerson home, I will be opening my back yard as a free shooting range. I wonder if that would be okay with my sweet elderly neighbors…or the three cops that live down the street…